What can I say?  I never like going to the neurologist as I find it a very draining experience. I hate seeing people worse off  than  me.   She is always telling me how I am not doing badly. Last time she said I was more spiritual.  Don’t get me wrong.  She is nice and listens to me.  Not sure, if she really hears me.  When we first started, she said everything wasn’t all about the disease/condition.  She was for me and my kitten heels.  The last few years the exams have been cursory.  My husband thought that once I wasn’t participating in research drugs she wasn’t really interested in me.

I have had a bad few weeks. Not enough walking or exercise due to bad winter.    I am never in pain except for when I fall.  My knee has been hurting me and it’s not a “fall” hurt.  I have been barely able to walk.  Well, I did turn a corner last Thursday, even though I did fall but I walked 11,500 steps.  Still, it’s been a real struggle.  I hate the way I am walking and looking.  I knew this time wasn’t going to be good.

I had the very sympathetic look – so sorry you are falling more often with the unspoken words what do you expect?

Bad news – we expect your symptoms to worsen in your already effected area but it appears things have changed and we need to look.  Yup, my left leg and my fingers are going.  And did I know that I have arthritis in my spine?  No, I didn’t and it looks like it might be getting worse?

Oh and the falling?  You may not want to hear this but maybe bilateral support?  As I was asking, can you say it in English?  My husband was saying, she’s not going for it.  Crutches!!!  Is she f’ing kidding??

And drugs?  She wants me to take the Bac more regularly.  I needed bloods for the Ampyra.  I hate needles.  Once a doctor told me he needed blood and I said needles?  He said, well I am not a vampire.  I thought this visit was going to be about other drugs.  Nope, she wants MRIs.  Luckily, with my change in insurance, they are only $75.  Last time, it took me almost two years to pay them off. Glutathione?  Complementary treatment.  I did get scrips for a new spectral leg though.

I also feel out of balance, literally and figuratively.  I thought I was finally getting to a place where I didn’t have to stress about buying “stuff”.  As I approach my milestone year, I wanted to stop settling.  I like being able to buy the Hourglass blush and highlighter.  I wanted to upgrade my car.  Material, superficial stuff I know.  And I know walking is more important.  I guess I just want to live as if this isn’t happening.

Oh, and the neurologist is not covered under my new insurance.  She wants to see me in about a month.  Look at it this way, I’ll be getting a larger tax refund next year.

So, what do I want to do about all this?  Fight back.  Restart and commit to the physical therapy, get in more walking (read lurching) and be more aggressive foodwise. Neuro says one of her patients gets good results but it’s not a good idea, just be moderate.  I am going with my plan and let’s see if I can have improvements by next time.  I am betting on me.  I hope to blog about it daily.  We’ll see.