Another morning with things starting out badly.  The train came in on a different track.  I sit so I get right on an escalator.  Different track. There is an elevator though, so I gimped over and there was a crowd including a young healthy woman with suitcases.  The other people were larger than me, most with canes.  I do travel with most of them on a regular basis.  There was no way I thought I could get on.  And then this woman that also takes the bus with me called out “C’mon, get on.  You are tiny.”  I never think of myself as tiny!  And I did fit in.

Back to tiny.  The only time I was called tiny was when I saw my college roommate after 35 years.  She gasped “You’re so tiny”  Now, mind you I was always considered the big one, with my roomies, my best friends.  But we used to swap dresses so I had to be the same size.

Here’s a picture of me about 11 years ago with my two best friends.

We had been friends for decades.  One I had grown up with.  Who is the smallest person in the picture?  Me.  I am the shortest and smallest.  Can  I tell you they always said I was the large one?  And I listened!  In fact, on that trip I bought a gorgeous pink suit which they told me I was too fat for.  My dad, who always teased me, used to call me Mrs. Hwiggins, when I wore something too tight.  I tried it on for him and he said I was gorgeous.  I wear it still and always get compliments. Oh and for various reasons, we are no longer friends.

When I met my husband, for the first time, I saw myself as small. I tease him that he is 67″.  Me, I am 5′ 5″.  I am the biggest woman he has been with and he is the shortest man I have been with.  You had to be at least 6′ to get to first base with me.   My ex-husband used to tell me he liked “Batik” women (his word) for petite and I wasn’t.  Well,  I did say ex.

What does this say about me?  Clearly, how I see myself is different than other see me.  My view might be distorted.  Low self-esteem.  Why did I listen to everyone else for so long?  What am I holding on to and believing about me?  I need to think.  So how am I perceived with the gimp?  Some people speak very loudly to me.  Overall, people are very kind.  Things to ponder