Oh my.  I am not working a job and just realized I missed!  I am changing the questions from today to the previous month.  It’s more accurate

How did I feel this past Month?

Well still mixed.  I am still not working.  I have been getting much needed rest.  It is grand not to wake in the 4 a.m.  hour.  Having no money – not so good.   I don’t feel right about decimating my savings.  I worked so hard to put that money away.  I was finally at a point where I felt comfortable.  I know life isn’t about being material, truly but it was nice to go to dinner at a nice place and not stress, to get nice “stuff”.  I am trying hard not to be angry and resentful as that takes away from me and only lets them win.  I do believe that the evil you do comes back to you so I know the person behind what’s been happening will get it back in spades.  The way the world and life works I may not see it and that’s alright.  I do know that this time though I am not going quietly into the night.  I am going to fight it to the best of my abilities and limited finances.  So, in a certain way it is empowering.  I have reflected on what I have walked away from.  I have always been a great walker. Uh, slightly sarcastic.  Instead of dealing with anything, I just walked away, sometimes literally.

What did you do for yourself this month?

See above.  The rest and exercise have been great.  A lot of reflection.  I have started to write more and reconnect with people.  I am also evaluating how I have and am living my life.  On the fun side, getting ready for the holidays.  The Elves workshop is this Sunday which gives me enormous joy.

What did I eat this month  and how did it make me feel –

Trying to return to good eating slowly but surely.  It has to be the key.  What I have been thinking is that it really specific to each person within parameters.  So no gluten is a no brainer.  Eggs, not so sure.  Definitely non-processed.  Sugar is bad.  I don’t think it’s possible to cut it out completely but it can be taken way down.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel – I am going to the gym on a regular basis.  It’s showing in my waist but not so much my legs.  I am not walking enough now that I am not working.  This has been complicated by my fitness trackers not being accurate.  I understand for the holidays that situation is going to be fixed.  I am not getting the same addiction to exercise that I have had in the past.  It is partially due to the fact that I can’t do exercise classes.  I have been faithful with my Zumba but am beyond frustrated that I cannot do what I used to.  In my mind I feel the rhythm and I know how simple it is and my body won’t do it.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Blessed, especially at this time of year.  We had all the kids the night before Thanksgiving.  It fulfilled a dream I used to have.  I had a family around a table, laughing and talking and eating good food.  I feel grateful that despite not having a job, I have a home and we can eat.  Oh and yes, we somehow managed for now to have decent medical coverage so I can get the drugs I need to keep on walking

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

Alright, no mission statement yet.  I believe in principles and integrity.  Years ago a minister told me I had an enormous capacity for joy.   I haven’t lost it this go round yet.  It’s important to share joy.  I tell my little “elves” that every year.  So, I hope that is something I will leave behind. And I stand on principle, proud of that.  By fighting back, I am fighting for others too.  At Zumba, I have been told I am an inspiration.  I have never wanted seriously to be a poster child.  However, if I can show people I believe in my life maybe they can too.

Conventional medicine  Well, I received the Biotin but unfortunately it is too expensive for me to get without a job and is never covered by insurance

Symptoms – Walking deteriorating a bit I think but I see it directly relational to stress.  I am weaker.  I had problems with a 2.5 pound weight the other day.  I used to easily lift 45.  I have had a UTI which also has impacted me.

What symptoms are most troublesome  – Walking as always. A bit wobbly too.

Do I blame myself for things – Same as always. Of course! Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. However, getting back to me, slowly, slowly but surely!

How is stress level?

Moderate.  There are days it peaks for sure.  When I take money out of savings to live and when I have to charge things.  But not commuting is so huge.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?  Eat properly, exercise, have an attitude of gratitude, be productive and positive.

Wishing all joy and health in this season of light and darkness.  We shine light in the darkness and then it ebbs into renewal.  Don’t you think?