wahl’s warriors

June/July 2016 Check In

Posted on by tresswann

goofed.  I started this in the first few days of June and then stopped.  I have been blue, angry and pre-occupied.  It should be easier not working to be timely and thorough but somehow it’s not.  I am looking for the spark and the peace that seem to have disappeared.

Wow, I was checking my records and saw that last year I was interviewing and bombing out. too!

How did I feel this past Month?

Still blue.  There was no activity at all job wise.  This is depressing .  I also feel my health deteriorating.  I am not sure if this is a symptom.   The WEDDING  looms.  My stepson is getting married and it’s just going to be ugly on all kinds of levels.  And I continued to be blue through June also although jobs picked up.  I interviewed at three companies in two days and came up empty.  I was reminded I have a major reunion coming up next year.  I want to be able to walk and don’t see that happening.  My friends are retiring and/or having grandchildren so I am fighting regrets.

What did you do for yourself this month?

In May, I  did attend a professional association event.  I was surprised that I liked it.  Goes to show that sometimes you have to let go of assumptions. I also realized  that I had let part of my life go.  I have been  isolated.  I did sign up for two events back to back in June and then didn’t go.  The first one was for a cocktail party at a professional association. It was at a golf club.  The last time I was there was over 20 years ago in a blizzard.  The late Joebe had a DUI conviction and was finishing community service there. It’s beautiful, wooded and slightly hilly.  It was not fun driving his Camarro.   At the last moment last month, T decided to come with me and sit in the car as he thought due to said hilliness, I might need assistance getting in.  It was a beautiful evening with bad directions.  When we finally found the clubhouse there was only valet parking or far parking. I  would have been shot by the time I walked in so we left.  The next night was another professional event but I wimped out as it was rush hour and the Long Island Expressway.  I grew up with parents who had a terror of the expressway.  I have been working through  it but not at my strongest.

Trying to get back in touch with my creativity but feel too cluttered.

What did I eat this month  and how did it make me feel –

Still doing my Smoothies.  Cheating a bit on good eating but getting back into it.  When I eat well, I feel well.  When I am blue it just falls apart.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel –

The gym has become my new happy place.  However due to blistering in my two day three company interview marathon, I am hurt and can’t wear shoes.  I lost the gym for over 10 days.  I went two days and reinjured my foot.  I am weaker.  It’s a vicious cycle.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

I am grateful that I am still hobbling along.  I am grateful that despite not working the mortgage is paid and we can eat.  My stepsons came through for me in an awesome way with the blisters.  I am told and shown, I am loved.

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

No mission statement as usual.  I’ll co opt what I tell my little “elves”- spread joy, do good.

Conventional medicine  Still just Ampyra and Baclufen. I am looking forward to Opera in the fall.  I have just been told about Colostrum and am thinking about giving it a whirl.

Symptoms – Ah, the Raynaoud’s.  The doctor was quackery so I am just coping on my own. Getting weaker in my hands.  My balance may be getting minimally better.

What symptoms are most troublesome  – Independence and mobility.  Hands not working

Do I blame myself for things – Yes, I am still believing it’s food, stress and exercise.

How is stress level?  Very bad.  I think I have reached my limit.  Not working is impacting me on all levels.  I have an enormous amount of anger which I don’t like.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?

Think I am going to get a “tune up” with a therapist.  Amp up the physical therapy, exercise and right eating.

April 2016 Check In

Posted on by tresswann

How did I feel this past Month?

March definitely was a combination of the lion and the lamb.  I am actively looking for work.  I fear that my age and infirmity are preventing me from getting a job.  Yes, I try not to focus on it but it is the elephant in the room.  Sometimes, I say that too.  Then, my Jawbone hasn’t been working so even though I am not walking enough I can’t tell.  I am deteriorating.  No one likes to hear it or see it.  I fell three times.  The last was a week ago and I really hurt my left hand.

What did you do for yourself this month?

Still with the gym and less so Zumba due to the weather.  I can’t really go out in rain or snow, too much chance of falling.  I have started to write again.  I started journaling in January and am writing in the day.  I have continued to clear clutter.  I am trying to reach out to people.  I am reconnecting with the creative  bits of me, a little writing, a little art.  Decoupage again.  Something I started to do in 7th grade.  I was always good at it.  And I am starting to take some glasses.  It’s both an outlet and a way to meet people.

What did I eat this month  and how did it make me feel –

More smoothies.  A little off the rails with gluten due to holiday.  And a little more meat.  Getting back on track.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel –

More time in the gym.  I am really liking it!

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Faith helps lots.  My friends are awesome.  Some came into my life, some left.  The ones that are here are my rocks.  My stepsons continue to amaze me with their love and support.

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

A higher purpose is kinda grandiose.  I stand by fighting for what’s right.  Hopefully, others can benefit.  Living with integrity and never ever giving up.

Conventional medicine  Still just Ampyra and Baclufen

Symptoms – Hands are getting weaker and my balance is off.  My fingers are going white and numb which is freaking scary.  My right hand turns purple sometimes.

What symptoms are most troublesome  – Independence and mobility.  I also have been falling more.  Part of it I know is  stress.  But the rest of the time, it’s balance. And the fingers!

Do I blame myself for things – Yes, I am still believing it’s food, stress and exercise.

How is stress level?  Well, I am  still not working. So it’s getting to me.  I am able  to sleep later though.  I’d like to wake between 6 & 7 in the morning.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?

Faith, food, exercise.  Creative work. Never give up!!

March 2016 Check In

Posted on by tresswann

How did I feel this past Month?

A very mixed month with peaks and valleys.  Getting a job and maintaining funding has been consuming.  Some days are great, others less so.  I am fighting the blues. It’s winter so that’s not abnormal. The season distresses me.  My condition makes me housebound more than I’d like.  Also, not having income makes us stay at home – no joy-shopping.  I am in a waiting mode.  It’s never easy for me.  Sometimes, I am a slave to that e-mail, waiting for news, for any movement.

What did you do for yourself this month?

Still with the gym and less so Zumba due to the weather.  I can’t really go out in rain or snow, too much chance of falling.  I have started to write again.  I started journaling in January and am writing in the day.  I have continued to clear clutter.  I am trying to reach out to people/

What did I eat this month  and how did it make me feel –

Back mostly to smoothies.  They really help my system and mitigate my sugar cravings.  I created an alert on my phone to remind me to have fruit in the afternoon and my Bac pill.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel –

It’s exciting.  I am feeling achy at the gym.  I am taking it as a sign my nerves are reconnecting.  On the flip side, I seem a little less flexible and continue to experience balance problems.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

My friends. The gift of faith.  I have been playing with “The Power of Positive Thinking” and it has reconnected me to faith.  The love that is in my life.  My stepson brought me the most beautiful rose on Valentine’s, unexpected and lovely.

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

No surprises.  No mission statement.  Purpose?  Let others benefit by my fight. Integrity.  Principles do count.

Conventional medicine  Just the Ampyra and Baclufan.  Really beginning to get that the right food and rest will do a lot.

Symptoms –  Hands are becoming a problem.  Fighting it of course!  Balance and flexibility which can be addressed with increased determination

What symptoms are most troublesome  – The lack of freedom.  As I write this, the newspaper is in the driveway and I just can’t go out and get it.  My increasing reliance on the cane is hindering me in my job search.

Do I blame myself for things – Of course, between stress, wrong food and not enough exercise

How is stress level?

Still high and who wouldn’t be between money, job and health.  This is becoming my new normal.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?

Remember to breathe. Have faith.  Eat and exercise properly.

February 2016 Check In

Posted on by tresswann

How did I feel this past Month?

Like I always do.  I fell apart after the main event.  Can I say Babka?  But I have been working out and mostly take care of me.

What did you do for yourself this month?

Gym, Zumba.  Gratitude journal.  Applied for jobs like crazy.  Writing a bit more.

What did I eat this month  and how did it make me feel –

Struggling to get back on track.  Still trying to mitigate as the holiday stuff leaves the house.  I started again having a green smoothie practically every day.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel –

Definitely more gym this month and started Zumba.  Zumba gives me joy and frustrates me at the same time.  I can do so much less than I used to.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Well things are moving along.  I had companies want to talk to me about jobs.  I was able to pay my bills.  I have amazing friends

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

I guess at the end of the day I want my life to have mattered and changed someone else’s positively

Conventional medicine  Just the Ampyra and Baclufan.  Really beginning to get that the right food and rest will do a lot.

Symptoms – Balance is definitely off and my hands are getting weaker but I am fighting.

What symptoms are most troublesome  – The balance and being confined when there’s snow.  Three years ago I could dig myself out in the driveway.  Now I can’t walk outside.

Do I blame myself for things – Sure.  Still not aggressive and focused enough.  I let this into my life.

How is stress level?

Through the roof.  No job.  Confined to the house.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?

Change the food more and keep on plugging away.

January 2016 Check In and Prior Year

Posted on by tresswann

Start of a New Year so it’s time to not only look back at the previous month but also state of being (so much more than health) for the last year.

How did I feel this past Year?

It was definitely a mixed year.  I had some highs and lows.  Getting the Ampyra and being able to walk more was great.  I also was able to get nice “things”.  It was an acknowledgement that I was good enough.  I made my milestone.  I spent it with one of my best friends.  I lost 20 pounds because I ate right, not diet.

I lost my job and that’s what I did, it’s lost. So, maybe that’s a low.  We’ll see

How did I feel this past Month?

It’s the holidays – a bit frazzled.  I am surprised despite being home I didn’t get a lot done for the holidays. It’s like losing in a way.  Overall, a bit calmer.  Still trying to sort out.

What did you do for yourself this year?

Well, I did more exercise and was more mindful of my health.  The biggest thing is that I stood up on the job issue and have not taken it lying down.  I also validated myself  by believing I was good enough.

What did you do for yourself this month?

Well, the Elves Workshop was a blast.  I have more fun than they do.    Spent time with the kids which was great.  Applied for jobs like crazy.  Still trying to reconnect with me.  Restarted my gratitude journal and my journal.  The gym.

What did I eat this year and how did it make me feel –

The beginning of the year was better than the end.  I slowly drifted off plan.  It clearly reflects in my health.

What did I eat this month  and how did it make me feel –

Uh,  holidays?  Totally lost it.  Last year I didn’t touch the cookies.  This year I ate them all!  Still tried to mitigate when possible.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel –

I am going to answer for both the month and the year.  I increased it this year.  Partly due to the Ampyra, and part due to what I wanted and needed.  After the job ended, I started the gym more.   However, it’s not like in times past.  I realize it’s because I can’t take classes so miss the social bits.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Again, I feel blessed, especially at this time of year.  I can still walk.  I have friends I love and who love me.  Life is still full of possibilities.  I still feel joy.  Friends, health and love are what matter.

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

Still working on that mission statement.  I am thinking about joy.  Someone commented recently that I have always been smiling since I was a child.  And she should know.  So sharing that joy.    And whilst I don’t want to be a poster child, I am partly out about the MS.  Okay, I still don’t accept it.  However, if coming out prevents people being treated the way I have been jobwise, then so be it.  I guess at the end of the day I want my life to have mattered and changed someone else’s positively

Conventional medicine  Just the Ampyra and Baclufan.  Waiting for coverage for the biotin

Symptoms – Well the stress hasn’t helped.  I am a bit weaker.  My balance is the pits.  My hands are going but I am fighting.

What symptoms are most troublesome  – Walking as always. A bit wobbly too.

Do I blame myself for things – Same as always. Of course! Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. However, getting back to me, slowly, slowly but surely!

How is stress level?

Moderate.  There are days it peaks for sure.  When I take money out of savings to live and when I have to charge things.  But not commuting is so huge.  This still applies.  Feeling not working but am optimistic.  Stress is down a bit and manageable.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?

So aside from my Christmas pudding, a serious return to the right eating, sticking with the gym, gratitude and attitude.

Make 2016 count!

December Warrior Check In

Posted on by tresswann

Oh my.  I am not working a job and just realized I missed!  I am changing the questions from today to the previous month.  It’s more accurate

How did I feel this past Month?

Well still mixed.  I am still not working.  I have been getting much needed rest.  It is grand not to wake in the 4 a.m.  hour.  Having no money – not so good.   I don’t feel right about decimating my savings.  I worked so hard to put that money away.  I was finally at a point where I felt comfortable.  I know life isn’t about being material, truly but it was nice to go to dinner at a nice place and not stress, to get nice “stuff”.  I am trying hard not to be angry and resentful as that takes away from me and only lets them win.  I do believe that the evil you do comes back to you so I know the person behind what’s been happening will get it back in spades.  The way the world and life works I may not see it and that’s alright.  I do know that this time though I am not going quietly into the night.  I am going to fight it to the best of my abilities and limited finances.  So, in a certain way it is empowering.  I have reflected on what I have walked away from.  I have always been a great walker. Uh, slightly sarcastic.  Instead of dealing with anything, I just walked away, sometimes literally.

What did you do for yourself this month?

See above.  The rest and exercise have been great.  A lot of reflection.  I have started to write more and reconnect with people.  I am also evaluating how I have and am living my life.  On the fun side, getting ready for the holidays.  The Elves workshop is this Sunday which gives me enormous joy.

What did I eat this month  and how did it make me feel –

Trying to return to good eating slowly but surely.  It has to be the key.  What I have been thinking is that it really specific to each person within parameters.  So no gluten is a no brainer.  Eggs, not so sure.  Definitely non-processed.  Sugar is bad.  I don’t think it’s possible to cut it out completely but it can be taken way down.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel – I am going to the gym on a regular basis.  It’s showing in my waist but not so much my legs.  I am not walking enough now that I am not working.  This has been complicated by my fitness trackers not being accurate.  I understand for the holidays that situation is going to be fixed.  I am not getting the same addiction to exercise that I have had in the past.  It is partially due to the fact that I can’t do exercise classes.  I have been faithful with my Zumba but am beyond frustrated that I cannot do what I used to.  In my mind I feel the rhythm and I know how simple it is and my body won’t do it.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Blessed, especially at this time of year.  We had all the kids the night before Thanksgiving.  It fulfilled a dream I used to have.  I had a family around a table, laughing and talking and eating good food.  I feel grateful that despite not having a job, I have a home and we can eat.  Oh and yes, we somehow managed for now to have decent medical coverage so I can get the drugs I need to keep on walking

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

Alright, no mission statement yet.  I believe in principles and integrity.  Years ago a minister told me I had an enormous capacity for joy.   I haven’t lost it this go round yet.  It’s important to share joy.  I tell my little “elves” that every year.  So, I hope that is something I will leave behind. And I stand on principle, proud of that.  By fighting back, I am fighting for others too.  At Zumba, I have been told I am an inspiration.  I have never wanted seriously to be a poster child.  However, if I can show people I believe in my life maybe they can too.

Conventional medicine  Well, I received the Biotin but unfortunately it is too expensive for me to get without a job and is never covered by insurance

Symptoms – Walking deteriorating a bit I think but I see it directly relational to stress.  I am weaker.  I had problems with a 2.5 pound weight the other day.  I used to easily lift 45.  I have had a UTI which also has impacted me.

What symptoms are most troublesome  – Walking as always. A bit wobbly too.

Do I blame myself for things – Same as always. Of course! Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. However, getting back to me, slowly, slowly but surely!

How is stress level?

Moderate.  There are days it peaks for sure.  When I take money out of savings to live and when I have to charge things.  But not commuting is so huge.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?  Eat properly, exercise, have an attitude of gratitude, be productive and positive.

Wishing all joy and health in this season of light and darkness.  We shine light in the darkness and then it ebbs into renewal.  Don’t you think?

November Warrior Check In

Posted on by tresswann

How do I feel today

Mixed.  I have been getting good rest.  Down side – I am out of work.  So,  I am not getting paid and there is confrontation in my future.  I am angry which is something that doesn’t agree with me.  However, it is an improvement of the stress that I have been undergoing since August.  I just want definitive closure which I don’t see for the definitive future.  It’s Sunday and I read the Times again!  I am slowly, slowly decompressing and getting back to me.

What did you do for yourself today?

I did my stepper and tried to recalibrate my tracker.  I am reading.  I will probably cook something healthy.  I will play with my tea business.  I calculated everything I have earned for the year so I can sort out my health insurance.

What did I eat today and how did it make me feel – Still thinking about food and making good choices.  I did do chocolate but I am doing so much less of it.  I am looking forward to cooking something from Two Moms  in the raw.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel – Well,  I did the stepper and will do so again.  I have been to the gym twice this week.  Being out of work, I will start going practically everyday as I know from previous experience, it’s the only way I will stay sane and healthy.  It feels good.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Ah, I am blessed.  Someone I knew a long time ago said I was one of the few people at school that was authentic and cool and still am.  Kinda validates what I am about.  Grateful that I have the wherewith financial and emotional to weather this storm.

I have an opportunity to focus on getting healthy.

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

Driving force?  Well, I am standing on and committed to principle.  Hope it matters.

How long have I been treated with conventional medicine   I am going to start Biotin this week.Ampyra since April.  Baclufen.  I am seeing more and more about food.  I am thinking about mostly committing through the end of the year.  I should be at home and can couple it with exercise

The first time I had a symptom – June 2004 walking on the beach boardwalk.  This week I walked 11 blocks slowly during rush hour with a cane.  YeaH!

What symptoms are most troublesome  -still hung up on the ugly shoes!  And my hands seem to be weakening.  However, see stress rearing it’s ugly head.

Do I blame myself for things –  Of course! Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. However, getting back to me, slowly, slowly but surely!

How is stress level?

Coming down a bit.  Last month, I was returning to uncertainty.  This month is uncertain in a different way.  I feel calmer all in all.  Not getting up around 4 a.m.  Is HUGE!

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?   Exercise, structure and move forward

Until next month.

October Warrior Check In

Posted on by tresswann

How do I feel today  -Better than I have in awhile.  I am going back to work tomorrow after a week off and I am dreading it for numerous reasons.  However, it appears the hurricane has passed us by, the sun is shining and I am focusing on the positive.  I have so much to be grateful for. I also feel that I am back on track.

What did you do for yourself today?

I read the Sunday Times, most of it, on Sunday!  I cooked something healthy and good.  I was indulgent and bought nail polish

What did I eat today and how did it make me feel – Eating right except for dinner tonight – will have small steak.  On holiday I did OK and tried to be in balance

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel – Ah, every month there is a weak spot, still trying to calibrate Jawbone but I definitely have not walked nearly enough in the last week.  I feel weak but determined.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Friends and family.  Last night the boys and their girlfriends joined the nieces and I at a mystery dinner at the church.  The table read Reserved – “X – Family of 8″  It made me feel warm.  The fiancee declared in 10 months, I will really be a part of this family.  I was given beautiful presents for my birthday and a beautiful card.  I spent 4 days with one of my best friends on vacation last week.  It was restorative. I had all kinds of birthday wishes from near and far.  And as someone once said ” You know Santa and the Easter Bunny?!!!”  What more could I or should I want out of life.

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

Ok, still a problem. Still believe deeply in joy.  In the last few weeks due to the situation at work where  I am no longer being allowed my medical accommodation,  I am planning legal action.  I have been told this will benefit other people.  So, there you go.

How long have I been treated with conventional medicine Ampyra since April.  On my birthday, I read in the Times that my medical insurance company is closing so we are scared that I will lose this drug.

The first time I had a symptom – June 2004 walking on the beach boardwalk.  Lately,  I have been using the cane which I am going to rename a stick more and more each week.

What symptoms are most troublesome  -still hung up on the ugly shoes!  And my hands seem to be weakening.  Same as last month.  Getting a little wobbly.

Do I blame myself for things –  Of course!Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. However, getting back to me, slowly, slowly but surely!

How is stress level? Middling, as I have not been at the office Sept 23 but have to go back tomorrow and face the music.  I know I will survicw

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?   Continue to take positive steps in eating, exercise and most importantly the pursuit of balance.

Until next month.

September Warrior Check In

Posted on by tresswann

I recently took one of those Facebook  quizzes and both my first and middle names mean warrior princess

How do I feel today  –   Mixed.  Recently, there has been a reorganization at work and my medical excuse is not being honored.  So, on the positive side  I slept till nearly 7 a.m. this morning.  And I am not allowed to work from home at all.  Upside, I am getting back in touch with me and what makes me tick and joyous.  Other side:  I am limited.  I am planning a tea with friends next weekend and am dependent on my husband to get things.  I have a wonderful tea set.  It’s upstairs boxed because he doesn’t like it.  It’s too far in the eaves for me to pull it out so I won’t be able to use it.  This frustrates and hurts me.  He is angry and moody today which also brings me down.  I realize this must be hard for him but it is harder for me.  I fell yesterday morning and that is upsetting him.  I am working on something, late as usual, that is pictures of both of us.  I was short some of me as a child and went upstairs to get a few.  It hurts.  I have no children.  My brother and I are estranged.  These photos mean nothing to anyone but me.

What did you do for yourself today?

Well,  I am taking stepson to lunch.  I am going back upstairs to straighten up.  I am planning my tea.  Maybe, just maybe I’ll get to read

What did I eat today and how did it make me feel – I have been moving more and more to eating in a way that will help me.

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel – Replaced Fitbit with Jawbone and trying to calibrate it.  Gym is a possibility.  I am looking for a new job so want to be/appear stronger.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

I have been thinking a lot this month about the stepkids.  I am so blessed.  And I get along with their girlfriends/fiancee.  I asked fiancee to lunch and she thought I was mad at her but accepted anyway.  How cool is that?  It was to give her something for her wedding day.  After a certain point I never thought I would have children in my life.  I guess I do. It’s hard for me to believe they care for me. It’s a great gift.  And one of the reasons I have them is because of my friends.  I have friends who are amazing lifelines to me.  When I first became involved with the boys they were my guiding lights.  I am blessed!

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –   I still have problems with this one.   I had a minister who once said I had a great capacity for joy.  Let’s go with that one for now.  I do an elves workshop for nieces every year and I tell them it’s about spreading joy.

How long have I been treated with conventional medicine Ampyra since April.  The Ampyra continues to work.

I met a man with a walkaid device and that looks appealing

The first time I had a symptom – June 2004 walking on the beach boardwalk.  Fell twice at home recently but it’s due to stress.

What symptoms are most troublesome  -still hung up on the ugly shoes!  And my hands seem to be weakening.  Same as last month.  Being dependent or limited is driving me wid.

Do I blame myself for things –  Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. Still!  I let go of me and who I am and could be.  This month thinking about the self sabotage

How is stress level? Very bad.  Work is worse and it’s having a financial impact.  Like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll think about that tomorrow.

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?   Continue to get back in touch with me and what gives me joy.  Organize the clutter

Until next month.

August Warrior Check In

Posted on by tresswann

Life is still intense. I am thinking about the “default future”

How do I feel today –   Pretty crappy.  I was in a slightly manic phase the last few weeks.  I couldn’t do things fast enough.  I knew I had to crash and I have.  I put in a high stress over 50 hour workweek this week.  Bed late every night.  I made a presentation to our head on Friday.  Well, all I can say was it wasn’t negative.  It is hard to live with the continual uncertainty about the job.  There never seems to be enough time.  I am a Libra and feel seriously out of balance.  I need to clear the decks and can’t.  I have started a new venture except I haven’t.  I have the skills and the tools to rock it and little Miss Sabotage strikes again.   The MRI shows no change but I seem to be getting worse.  I  think  I am going to look into genome testing.

What did you do for yourself today?

I tried to sleep late.  I read the Sunday times,  yeah!  Straightened up a bit.  Sent in a job application,  sat outside in the gazebo. Did NOT go grocery shopping or any kind of shopping.

What did I eat today and how did it make me feel – Getting back to clean and it’s the right thing

Did I exercise? What did I do? How did it feel – No excuse not to go to the gym and I didn’t.  Miss Sabotage.  My fitbit has been wonky lately and I know that I had at least two days closer to 12,000 steps.  Ain’t drugs grand?  But zip didn’t record

For whom or what are you grateful? What matters most in life?   I am blessed with the most amazing friends, truly.  I have a husband who watches over me.  I continue to have possibilities.  And this year, beautiful flowers in the garden

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –   Never give up?

How long have I been treated with conventional medicine Ampyra since April.  The Ampyra continues to work.  I am walking more with less fatigue.  Friday high stress day and took subway to Village during rush hour

The first time I had a symptom – June 2004 walking on the beach boardwalk.  Think it’s time to add last time -off balance, weak knees

What symptoms are most troublesome -still hung up on the ugly shoes!  And my hands seem to be weakening

Do I blame myself for things –  Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. Still!  I let go of me and who I am and could be.  Same as last month

How is stress level? Skyrocketing with work issues

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?   Rest, take a step back.  Contemplate that default future and SMILE

Until next month.