goofed. I started this in the first few days of June and then stopped. I have been blue, angry and pre-occupied. It should be easier not working to be timely and thorough but somehow it’s not. I am looking for the spark and the peace that seem to have disappeared.
Wow, I was checking my records and saw that last year I was interviewing and bombing out. too!
How did I feel this past Month?
Still blue. There was no activity at all job wise. This is depressing . I also feel my health deteriorating. I am not sure if this is a symptom. The WEDDING looms. My stepson is getting married and it’s just going to be ugly on all kinds of levels. And I continued to be blue through June also although jobs picked up. I interviewed at three companies in two days and came up empty. I was reminded I have a major reunion coming up next year. I want to be able to walk and don’t see that happening. My friends are retiring and/or having grandchildren so I am fighting regrets.
What did you do for yourself this month?
In May, I did attend a professional association event. I was surprised that I liked it. Goes to show that sometimes you have to let go of assumptions. I also realized that I had let part of my life go. I have been isolated. I did sign up for two events back to back in June and then didn’t go. The first one was for a cocktail party at a professional association. It was at a golf club. The last time I was there was over 20 years ago in a blizzard. The late Joebe had a DUI conviction and was finishing community service there. It’s beautiful, wooded and slightly hilly. It was not fun driving his Camarro. At the last moment last month, T decided to come with me and sit in the car as he thought due to said hilliness, I might need assistance getting in. It was a beautiful evening with bad directions. When we finally found the clubhouse there was only valet parking or far parking. I would have been shot by the time I walked in so we left. The next night was another professional event but I wimped out as it was rush hour and the Long Island Expressway. I grew up with parents who had a terror of the expressway. I have been working through it but not at my strongest.
Trying to get back in touch with my creativity but feel too cluttered.
What did I eat this month and how did it make me feel –
Still doing my Smoothies. Cheating a bit on good eating but getting back into it. When I eat well, I feel well. When I am blue it just falls apart.
Did I exercise? What did I do? How did it feel –
The gym has become my new happy place. However due to blistering in my two day three company interview marathon, I am hurt and can’t wear shoes. I lost the gym for over 10 days. I went two days and reinjured my foot. I am weaker. It’s a vicious cycle.
For whom or what are you grateful? What matters most in life?
I am grateful that I am still hobbling along. I am grateful that despite not working the mortgage is paid and we can eat. My stepsons came through for me in an awesome way with the blisters. I am told and shown, I am loved.
Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life? Make a mission statement –
No mission statement as usual. I’ll co opt what I tell my little “elves”- spread joy, do good.
Conventional medicine Still just Ampyra and Baclufen. I am looking forward to Opera in the fall. I have just been told about Colostrum and am thinking about giving it a whirl.
Symptoms – Ah, the Raynaoud’s. The doctor was quackery so I am just coping on my own. Getting weaker in my hands. My balance may be getting minimally better.
What symptoms are most troublesome – Independence and mobility. Hands not working
Do I blame myself for things – Yes, I am still believing it’s food, stress and exercise.
How is stress level? Very bad. I think I have reached my limit. Not working is impacting me on all levels. I have an enormous amount of anger which I don’t like.
What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?
Think I am going to get a “tune up” with a therapist. Amp up the physical therapy, exercise and right eating.