I am on video all the time and have been for years.    I interviewed for the job I have now via video with London.  My group was based out of London and we met via video at least once a week.  I am/was photogenic.  We used to joke it was just like newscasters used to say in the old days as long as you were seated it didn’t matter what you had on from your waist down.  I learned I smile too much.  Technology has improved and become cheaper so I videoconference even more -US, Ireland, England.  Every other Friday from my home, I attend a videoconference with NJ, NY, London and Tralee.  I keep a Post It over the camera usually.  The lighting makes me look bad and I am very, very vain.  I do remove it for my manager so I can see her eyes and then she turns hers off.  At my desk, someone just complained they only see my  coffee cup.

For the last year I have been using video to record a presentation.  It allows me to add voice and I cut my seated self out.  I have learned from that, that my practice of combing my hair once a week does not work for me, my hair looks better for work “UP” and contact lenses let me look like me.

Well yesterday I had a shock.  I arranged a taping for a manager.  And even though I work in IT and am not technical, I am the one who understands how to set up the equipment.  Same thing at home. I am the one who can program the remote.  It was a big presentation so I started the recording and moved to back of room.  My first thought today when I retrieved the tape was my weight loss shows.  The tape starts with my back to the camera addressing people.  I normally disfavor pants at work.  I was brought up in a “ladies don’t wear trousers home”.  Think I saw my gran in pants once!  But I had a lovely new pantsuit. I am watching, thinking this works and then I moved to the back of the room.  I have never seen myself walk on film and with a cane to boot.  It was AWFUL.  I looked spastic and like Quasimodo.  And I was walking well for me yesterday. I did over 10,000 steps and made it back to the railroad in half an hour.  It was horrible.   I had no idea I looked like that!  I need to fix this.  I need to work harder.  Last summer I wasn’t using a cane at work.  Then I started using it in Penn at night more as a deterrent for people walking into me.  Now, I walk, no let’s be specific, spazz with it all day at work.  At home I lurch around grabbing walls and making my husband crazy.  Hand marks all over.  This has been so insidious.  I nearly wept when I saw the video but again, a home where you never, ever let people see you cry.

I need to start winning this fight,