Yes, sometimes I write about what’s going on condition-wise.  Tomorrow, I have a visit to the neurologist.  I haven’t been since July.  She likes to see me every three months.  I delayed for several reasons.  I thought I was  going to be an employee so I would have different insurance.  I was really hoping that by changing the way I eat, I would have positive change.  And frankly, I get tired and depressed hearing about the natural progression of the “disease”.  Last time, she told me I was more spiritual.  My unspoken response – “BS”

Well, tomorrow I am going back.  I am worse.  That’s another thing I don’t like, her denial that I am getting worse. It’s just natural.  One of the things we have been discussing is medication.  She has prescribed Ampyra for me but my former insurance didn’t cover it.  It costs $1300 – 1800 a month.  Now, I can get it for $60.  It works in 60% of the people.  I should be able to walk longer and faster.  I am terrified of drugs.  Also,  she can now prescribe meds that work on relapsing.  However, I have seen for some reason going that route only works for men.

In the meantime, I fell getting off subway on Thursday.  It’s getting harder and harder for me to commute.  My left leg is going.  On a positive note I should be able to get a better brace a.k.a. spectral leg for my right leg.  A new one may allow me to wear nicer shoes which will help my self – esteem.  Donna will know I hate, hate wearing shoes like the groundhog (inside reference) I don’t want to give up but struggling into work isn’t working for me. I like what I do but really don’t want to be there.  I took cabs last week except for the day I fell.  I can’t afford that.  Commutation already is hundreds a month.  I needed a cane to walk in my own tiny house this weekend.  Husband had a thought which may be valid.  I am a woman of a certain age and have been taking Estroven for years.  I forgot to buy some and have been without for a week.  Hot flashes and me don’t mix well.  Back on it so hopefully it will sort some of this out.  Also, my work stress has been through roof .  That’s a topic for another day.

Tomorrow we have a late appointment which means we see all the people who can’t even sit up being wheeled in, beyond depressing, the ghost of Christmas future.

Not optimistic.  Guess I can have a down day or so.