menopause

October Warrior Check In

Posted on by tresswann

How do I feel today  -Better than I have in awhile.  I am going back to work tomorrow after a week off and I am dreading it for numerous reasons.  However, it appears the hurricane has passed us by, the sun is shining and I am focusing on the positive.  I have so much to be grateful for. I also feel that I am back on track.

What did you do for yourself today?

I read the Sunday Times, most of it, on Sunday!  I cooked something healthy and good.  I was indulgent and bought nail polish

What did I eat today and how did it make me feel – Eating right except for dinner tonight – will have small steak.  On holiday I did OK and tried to be in balance

Did I exercise?  What did I do?  How did it feel – Ah, every month there is a weak spot, still trying to calibrate Jawbone but I definitely have not walked nearly enough in the last week.  I feel weak but determined.

For whom or what are you grateful?  What matters most in life?

Friends and family.  Last night the boys and their girlfriends joined the nieces and I at a mystery dinner at the church.  The table read Reserved – “X – Family of 8″  It made me feel warm.  The fiancee declared in 10 months, I will really be a part of this family.  I was given beautiful presents for my birthday and a beautiful card.  I spent 4 days with one of my best friends on vacation last week.  It was restorative. I had all kinds of birthday wishes from near and far.  And as someone once said ” You know Santa and the Easter Bunny?!!!”  What more could I or should I want out of life.

Do I have a higher purpose or driving force in my life?   Make a mission statement –

Ok, still a problem. Still believe deeply in joy.  In the last few weeks due to the situation at work where  I am no longer being allowed my medical accommodation,  I am planning legal action.  I have been told this will benefit other people.  So, there you go.

How long have I been treated with conventional medicine Ampyra since April.  On my birthday, I read in the Times that my medical insurance company is closing so we are scared that I will lose this drug.

The first time I had a symptom – June 2004 walking on the beach boardwalk.  Lately,  I have been using the cane which I am going to rename a stick more and more each week.

What symptoms are most troublesome  -still hung up on the ugly shoes!  And my hands seem to be weakening.  Same as last month.  Getting a little wobbly.

Do I blame myself for things –  Of course!Yes, I am still blaming myself for not being aggressive against this. However, getting back to me, slowly, slowly but surely!

How is stress level? Middling, as I have not been at the office Sept 23 but have to go back tomorrow and face the music.  I know I will survicw

What can I do tomorrow to make it better than today?   Continue to take positive steps in eating, exercise and most importantly the pursuit of balance.

Until next month.

Visiting the Doctor

Posted on by tresswann

Yes, sometimes I write about what’s going on condition-wise.  Tomorrow, I have a visit to the neurologist.  I haven’t been since July.  She likes to see me every three months.  I delayed for several reasons.  I thought I was  going to be an employee so I would have different insurance.  I was really hoping that by changing the way I eat, I would have positive change.  And frankly, I get tired and depressed hearing about the natural progression of the “disease”.  Last time, she told me I was more spiritual.  My unspoken response – “BS”

Well, tomorrow I am going back.  I am worse.  That’s another thing I don’t like, her denial that I am getting worse. It’s just natural.  One of the things we have been discussing is medication.  She has prescribed Ampyra for me but my former insurance didn’t cover it.  It costs $1300 – 1800 a month.  Now, I can get it for $60.  It works in 60% of the people.  I should be able to walk longer and faster.  I am terrified of drugs.  Also,  she can now prescribe meds that work on relapsing.  However, I have seen for some reason going that route only works for men.

In the meantime, I fell getting off subway on Thursday.  It’s getting harder and harder for me to commute.  My left leg is going.  On a positive note I should be able to get a better brace a.k.a. spectral leg for my right leg.  A new one may allow me to wear nicer shoes which will help my self – esteem.  Donna will know I hate, hate wearing shoes like the groundhog (inside reference) I don’t want to give up but struggling into work isn’t working for me. I like what I do but really don’t want to be there.  I took cabs last week except for the day I fell.  I can’t afford that.  Commutation already is hundreds a month.  I needed a cane to walk in my own tiny house this weekend.  Husband had a thought which may be valid.  I am a woman of a certain age and have been taking Estroven for years.  I forgot to buy some and have been without for a week.  Hot flashes and me don’t mix well.  Back on it so hopefully it will sort some of this out.  Also, my work stress has been through roof .  That’s a topic for another day.

Tomorrow we have a late appointment which means we see all the people who can’t even sit up being wheeled in, beyond depressing, the ghost of Christmas future.

Not optimistic.  Guess I can have a down day or so.